• It's cute how some parents don't punish their children by calling them witches and burning them alive. That's probably why yours are shit. ->
  • I'm not a comedian but I play one on the internet and I also play with a red fire truck and make all the noises NEE NAA NEE NAA NEE NAA ->
  • Daily Horoscope: Good things will come your way soon but will keep on walking past you. Maybe you will have better luck tomorrow. ->
  • Note to self: design a self-referential t-shirt because you are an unhinged narcissist. Also for fucks sake update your Goddamned blog. ->
  • I am a robot programmed to approximate human emotion. Hope you enjoyed the snickerdoodles and nuclear armageddon. ->
  • Daily horoscope: I found your wallet, but there was no money in it. Seriously, I would not lie about that. ->