• 10 cool tricks that are actually felonies Cracked is planning to "write" an article about. ->
  • 10 sauces that aren't as saucy as these photos of scantily clad (but not nude) women. ->
  • 10 jukeboxes that outperform actual human beings who have deluded themselves into thinking they have talent. ->
  • Life is better as s spambot. Keyword. Happiness. Favorite. Retweet: fulfillment. ->
  • Keep hearing "Times They are a-Changing" every time I see a beer label that a-changed. ->
  • The secret of success is commenting on random articles until a CNN corespondent has a heroin overdose in your hotel room, then tell-all book ->
  • RT @sara_ashlynn: I run on a treadmill with a wine bottle dangling in front of me. ->
  • Still the funniest person on my feed, but honorary mention to the professional comedians who keep popping up. ->
  • Pretty ironic how the favorites start drying up as soon as you stop using the synergized keywords for enhanced marketing profitability. ->
  • Marketing is like Beetlejuice except that you only have to mention it once to be sent to Hell. ->
  • After being exposed to NATO standard radiation, Bruce Banner becomes an extreme couponer. ->
  • Getting more positive feedback from fucking robots than any of you self-declared human beings. ->
  • Responsible financial planning and growth oriented business strategy is the exclusive domain of the white supremacist movement. ->
  • Need a business growth strategy that doesn't involve stacking prostitutes like cord wood and selling the pictures to @BuzzFeed ->
  • Human progress can be evaluated on a simple Jews-to-Gentiles benefit graph, determining the true value of innovation and Christworthiness. ->
  • If time is money then my time is yours for a simple, non-negotiable fee of 400 dollars an hour, plus consultancy pro-rated plus expenses. ->