To the Possum living under my house:

Recently it has come to my attention that you have chosen to make the crawlspace beneath my home your place of permanent residence. This turn of events is unacceptable to me. When you first crawled beneath my floor at the start of winter I was very understanding of your situation. The weather was as miserable as I am charitable, and I had the shelter to spare for such a needy soul.

That was several months ago. What had begun as a charity has now become a burden and I must now ask you to leave. If you had perhaps offered to help around the house; doing some chores or handy work in exchange for room and board, we might have avoided this situation. Instead you have chosen to dine on my conduits, de-insulated my floor and generally use my crawlspace as your personal rubbish heap. You further stretched my hospitality by inviting your excessively large family to live with you, and the subsequent creation of constant rackets at the most inconvenient of hours has been insufferable! I trust that you can understand why I can no longer tolerate you presence and will take it upon yourself to leave voluntarily.

I wish you luck in your search for housing and hope that despite the harshness of this letter that we may part ways amicably.

Evictfully yours,

The Landlord